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Put away all your self-help-books on dating, they were all written by tall guys and they are only useful when you’re above average height. I once read a book where they said you should stand with your legs open and your hands on your waist at all time. When I do that, I look like Rumpelstiltskin. And that’s not the look you’re going for when you’re out in town, looking for a score. So without further ado, six tips for the vertically impaired dater!

  1. Always look a girl in the eyes.

What’s really important when dating, is that you always look a girl in the eyes. When you’re tall, that mostly isn’t a problem. The eyes of a girl are way below you, so when you look down, you immediately look into her eyes. For a guy looking like a Hobbit, it’s a big challenge. The boobs of a girl are interesting too and when they’re so close to your head, it’s hard not to look at them. But when you’re trying to get a girl, it’s important to look her in the eyes. They’re above her nose, somewhere below her hair. Remember this.
Pro tip: If the girl you’re trying to woo is really tall, bring a small ladder.

  1. Never be yourself.

Look at you. You look like a poor man’s Frodo Baggins. What you want to achieve is that girls look at you as a sexy dwarf, not the person you are. So when you’re trying to impress a girl, never talk about the boring stuff you really do in life. Nobody cares that you can masturbate 12 times on a day. For instance: when making a Tinder-profile, try to be as vague as possible. Never say what you really do, hint towards greater things. Do the same with pictures. Never show pictures of you working, but make them eloquent, show style and try holding sophisticated stuff like a paper or a microphone.

  1. Be funny.

Chicks dig funny guys. So when you’re funny, your height isn’t that important. Of course, the first thing your date will notice is your lack of vertical awesomeness, but you can mask that with a good sense of humor. Just throw it in there, make some jokes about your height or call her a giraffe and say that you’d like to ride her. You know, the usual. Don’t be boring, she will leave you while you go to the bathroom to spike your hair to look a bit taller. That’ll cost you, because you’re left with the bill.

  1. Lie.

When making a Tinder-profile, lie about your height. Say you’re above 1,90 meters or 6’3. You will have way more matches than you did when all your pictures looked like you were a tiny human being amongst giants. When you meet, she will notice your lack of verticality, but never mention it. When she asks, still insist that you’re way above 6’3 and the light and the weather makes it look like you’re smaller. Just use some mathematics, she’ll believe you. Lie about everything you do too, you’re life isn’t interesting, but would be so much better if you were a porn-director instead of an early-subscriber and an astronaut instead of a plane-watcher.

  1. Go for the small ones.

If you’re striking out of luck with the woman of average height, go for the smaller ones. Now this is tricky, because there is a fine line between small chicks and way too young chicks. A good way to pick up the good ones, is to go to a liquor store and wait for a horde of small girls to walk in. If they’re old enough to pick up booze, they’re old enough for you. The easiest way to pick up such a girl, is to literally pick her up. Her defense is weaker than that of the average woman, so you should have no problem with that, even with your height problems. Be sure to feed her once in a while.

  1. Grow.

The easiest way to be better with dating when you’re a small guy, is to grow. When you gain a few inches, nobody will ever call you small again and you will score chicks. It’s science. Even when you think you won’t grow anymore, you should never give up. Because giving up is for small people. So try your hardest to become a bigger man and at that point, you’ll have all the advantages of a tall guy. You can even laugh at small guys like me, because that’s part of the job.

Now go your way in dating land and be like me. Score thousands of chicks on a daily base, without even knowing it!