It’s going to be the best summer of sports ever for the Dutch. Finally, no distractions from sports that are played by weaker men. It’s time for a summer of real sports, played by real men and women. No boys with Louis Vuitton-scarfs and hats that were stolen from the Amish, but girls with arms bigger than my legs.
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I’m, of course, talking about the Dutch hockey girls, who will make me forget about Robin van Persie and Arjen Robben in only one second. The girls who made all the British guys who went to the stadium in 2012 in London instantly fall in love with them. And they’re not only pretty, they can hit a ball with a stick. And that’s a quality you should not underestimate.

Yes, I know, the Dutch hockey guys are good too, but they’re not really the focus of this piece. Yeah, it would be nice if they’d bring home a gold medal too from Rio, but it’s not that important. We’ll have enough to celebrate without them. Think about Tom Dumoulin for cycling, Epke Zonderland for gymnastics and golden girl Dafne Schippers for the sprints. She’s running faster than a lion that’s being hunted by a dentist and that’s incredible.

But we’re not only going to win all the important medals at the Olympics, we’re also on our way to dominate other sports. This one shouldn’t come as a shock, but we’re also pretty good on a bike. With 30 million bicycles on 17 million people, it’s just math that someone will win something big next year. Like before-mentioned Tom Dumoulin, who already showed some class this year, but who will show a lot more next year. And we’ve got a lot more talents to show that the Netherlands is the leading cycling country in the world.

So you see, we will survive a summer without football. Wait, without men running around with a ball. Our women football team can still go to the Olympics. With the hype going on with women football, we thought it would be nice to support that team for once. So the men did them a favour, you could say. They decided to drop out of the Euro Championship to help the girls gather interest. It was probably all just an elaborate plan for us to showcase the different sports that we also rock at. Maybe that’s it, there’s no other explanation for this. Daley Blind, Wesley Sneijder and Memphis Depay just wanted to see all the other great Dutch sportstars stand in the spotlight for once.

When you look at it this way, we should all thank them for missing the EC. And the rest of Europe too. When else would Island, Albania and Hungary get their chance to shine on the biggest stage of this continent? But don’t think you won’t see the colour Orange this year. You will see us in France during the Tour, in Italy during the Giro and of course in Brazil during the Olympics. And probably at all the other small sports events too. Because we’re Dutch and we will support anything, anywhere.

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